Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
