my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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