it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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