Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Randomize
