some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I am spending my child support on dildos
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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