hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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