I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
