I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
i came on her dog
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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