yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
