Nicole vs. Life
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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