did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
why do cheetos always look like penises
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Randomize
