thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Randomize
