My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
