fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Randomize
