Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
