the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
