Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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