lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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