The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
