Someone shit on the floor
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
