Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
