I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
