The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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