My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
He felt like a one man threesome
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
