ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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