i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
