Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
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