yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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