Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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