Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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