apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
