I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
