I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
