she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
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