my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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