Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
