I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
