During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
