Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
