Having a random hookup so left but love u
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Still dying that you shit outside
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
