Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Randomize
