im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I lost the right to judge tonight
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
