Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
