Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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