Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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