I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
