Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Randomize
