and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
