I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Randomize
