Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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