Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
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