did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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